So it’s national volunteers week (well it was last week and as it’s only Tuesday i’m counting it as the same thing) and i wanted to take a second to share some work i’ve been doing around the value of volunteering and how crucial it has been for my recovery.
After i came back to Cambridge i was still pretty unwell, i know this because i needed a hair cut and put it off for months because it would require someone looking at me. Because i am a regular human being who wants to use their brain i felt a strange amalgamation of wanting to do something useful that gave me purpose but also to do something where nobody relied on me or expected anything. It is quite hard to find this balance when you would like the challenge to be something other than tidying your flat and after a failed interview at the co op (failed as in did not attend) i figured employment was probably not an option. Continue reading
It’s 4:55 am and I’ve been up since about 4, I’ve recently been taking my sleeping tablets every night in order to ensure I stay well during a bit of a transitionary stage but my stock is running low which means I need to start attempting to sleep on my own like a regular human being. This is the first night of the pain in the ass that is med free sleep and my eyes are burning and I already hate this day but crazy early mornings are always a good time to blog so I’m making the most of this sleep deprived state. 
One of the main problems people have with taking psychiatric medications is the number of side effects. It’s generally understood (but rarely accepted) that there is no ‘magic bullet’ treatment for Bipolar so when trying out different medications you must ask yourself 1) is this side effect tolerable for me personally and 2) do the benefits of the medication outweigh the negative side effects? I have struggled with accepting the number of compromises required to stay well; when I was eighteen I didn’t envisage spending my twenties having early nights and focusing on sleep hygiene, and yet here I am with my lavender candle and box set of Nashville. I was never going to be a hard-core party animal, that’s just not me, but now I don’t have the option I desperately wish I could go out and get wasted in a faux leather mini skirt. These compromises are dictated by both Bipolar and medication, a lack of sleep will make me unwell but taking a sleeping tablet when I stumble in from a night out at 3am will also knock me out till 12 and make me nauseous. You can see the frustration, not only do you live a life guided by the Bipolar but you then also live a life guided by the medication to help the Bipolar, it feels like a lose lose situation.
